Today’s trip to Walmart with my mother:
Husband (as he drives): “Heidi, what is the temperature in Florida?”
Heidi: “I don’t know, my iPhone is set for New York. I’ll have to check.”
Mommy: “Heidi, why are we driving this far to get to Walmart? I’m sure that there is a closer one to the house.”
Husband: “Yeah, are we driving to Washington?”
Heidi: “That’s the only Walmart, I know.”
Mommy: “This is so far.”
Heidi (with slow-running iPhone, trying to connect to the Weather Channel, now struggling to switch to GPS): “Okay, I’ll search for the one that you think exists, closer to your house and we’ll go there.”
Mommy: “No! We’re already on the way to the other one!”
Heidi: “Well, we’re not there, yet, and you said that it’s too far. We can just turn around and head to the other one… just let me search for it.”
Mommy: “No, I want to know the temperature, first.”
{•_•}
(WHAT!!!?)
Husband just glances at me and giggles.
We arrive to the circus that is Walmart where my mother begins her unedited commentary including, “Look at that crazy girl talking and laughing to herself on the bench.”
I glance over to see someone stretched out and lying down, in a shiny top (for -da- club) near the entrance of the store.
Me: “She’s probably talking on her cell phone or blue tooth.”
Mommy: “No, there’s nothing there.”
She was right.
(The conveniently blurred action shot taken of said subject sitting up before my possibly being caught and tackled)
The family unit and I were only at our destination for a few minutes, but just enough time for me to be fed up enough to text my sister about the aggravation:
“Mommy (a.k.a. “Archie Bunker”) has husband being so un-P.C., saying that we’re parked in the “retarded” section with her special, hanging decal for her car. I’m so mad. I HATE EVERYONE.“
“Now, she saw another Asian person at Walmart and said to husband, ‘Look, your family.’ And, people wonder why I’m warped.“
Just a few more excuses for why I drink…
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©2011 Heidi Rodney-Nakanishi and ChocolateGeisha Spills the Sake!™
ChocolateGeisha Spills the Sake!™ 
Oct 07, 2011 @ 12:45:39
Just remember, any dress code, any language…foriegn or vulgar…., any disease, any discrimmination, ANYTHING is welcome at WalMart. You have elderly (fucking old people, as a friend calls us), greeting you at the door, advising you to “have a good day” or else and if you have money to spend, you are their kind of people!!
Mommy one is just being mommy one and we love her. What she needs is a shot of sake in her Ensure or Boost!
Oct 07, 2011 @ 15:42:28
HAHAHAHAHAA… thank you for clarifying the rules of Walmart! Mommy One is lovng her hot sake shots of son-in-lawdom. 🙂
Nov 28, 2011 @ 09:28:45
bwahahahaha!!! to be soo free! LOL!!